introduction

i don't really want anything i say on here to be taken too literally or seriously. i'm hoping to keep it strictly anonymous but i think that occasional slip ups with confidentiality and who i trust are inevitable; as well as they fact my personal email is connected to this, i'm destined to be exposed. so, if you're the subject of one of my thought outlets, i hope you won't be too offended. please know if i have chosen to write about you, it's only because i, or some tiny element of me at least, care(s) about you.

i think as a child and indeed growing up i was never afraid to be outspoken. 'opinionated' and 'passionate' or 'fiery little one' were comments that made me beam. too fucking right i'm a force to be reckoned with. yes i will be prime minister one day. watch this space. and one thing i'll always regret is allowing the doubtful and pessimistic to infiltrate my beliefs, water down my personality, shape me, mould me, and force me into a box. my perspectives and opinions, once so unapologetic, unfiltered, loud and proud have become unspoken and doubtful, just so i don't make others uncomfortable, just so i can fit in safely and comfortably.

my activism was my best trait, my defining characteristic. it made people love me, it made people hate me. it made people who thought they loved me begin to hate me. and now ultimately i'm beginning to realise that if i had just stayed true to myself and carried on being unapologetic and outspoken then perhaps i would have eventually attracted the right people into my life and perhaps beyond that the right people would have stayed with me until i had filtered out all of the shitty people that don't deserve me and never have and never will.

so this blog is intended for me to get back into practice. i just got out of a shitty relationship, i'm confused about it. i'm questioning the people in my life. i'm having an identity crisis. i've done the dramatic hair cut and i hate it. i have an amazing university offer and no energy or motivation to pursue it. i have no happiness or work ethic left. there are no elements of consistency left in my life. i'm hoping to change that. i want to become more vocal. more active. more political. like i used to be. i don't trust anyone and i'm terrified of judgement. so like any rational thinking human being, i'm going to post all my personal life details onto a public blog on the world wide web. enjoy.